Draco Malfoy and the Two Brooms (aka Albus Severus and Scorpius)
by studywriter18
Summary: Albus and Scorpius suddenly really WANT a new, VERY expensive state-of-the-art broomstick (actually two). Now all they need to do is convince Scorpius' dad to buy it for them. But what will happen in the process? (Clue: contains accidental magic).
1. We want brooms, give us brooms! (please)

Harry Potter had just (reluctantly) invited Draco Malfoy inside. Albus Severus had just (less reluctantly) invited his best friend Scorpius inside. The two 6-year-old boys went upstairs to play.

"Do you know," Albus told Scorpius in a whisper, "I want a broom-"

"-A nimbus-"

"-no, a firebolt-"

"no,-a sky star-studded shining rocket broom-"

"-YES. _That's_ what I want-"

"Well, I am gonna get it-"

"-No, you're not-"

"-Just watch me-"

"-Actually just watch me too-"

And this is how it came about that Albus and Scorpius slipped into the living room without a sound but with their most determined (whiney) expressions on. The kind of expression that would make any sensible person, parent or not, turn on their heels and run (anywhere, just away). Now Harry, despite his behaviour in his early teenage years, was sensible. Yes, very very sensible as he told himself (after leaving his magikeys at home again one day and doing similar things). It was a kind of reassurance. Ginny might laugh all she liked. Harry was the most sensible person in the world. But anyway. So Harry turned on his heels and ran away to watch Ginny practicing her Quidditch skills. This left Mr. Malfoy, a very disgruntled and not at all intimidating Mr. Malfoy, to look after (by which I mean avoid doing whatever it was they wanted at that moment) the children.

"Mr. _Malfooy_ ," said Albus in his most whining voice imaginable (except perhaps the one he had used on Lily the previous week _every single day_ just to see what would happen).

Draco shuddered. He hadn't heard that tone in years. In fact, the last time he had heard it was when he had used it himself when (well all through Hogwarts actually). And he did _not_ like hearing it again, especially from someone else. Where could Al have got it from? Draco stifled a giggle (as Malfoys do not giggle, not even when they feel like it) as he imagined Potter or even worse Ginevra using such a tone of voice.

"We want a bro- _oom_."

That one came from Scorpius.

Ah, thought Draco wisely to himself, it must have something to do with genntics (Draco was not an "ignorant pureblood" thank you very much Astoria, no he was not. And here was the proof - he could, he thought proudly to himself - use a Muggle medicine term (yes he did know about medicine too, a tiny little bit which he thought was a very big bit) perfectly _correctly_ (and no, Astoria, I have _not_ said it wrong). Yes, Scorpius must have caught it from me and taught it to Al. Ha, Potter, my son has already corrupted your son and made your life (actually, in this moment, my life) harder.

"-We want _two_ brooms-"

"Well", Malfoy suggested tentatively (actually not tentatively thought Draco. Malfoys are not _tentative_ , ever). "I'm sure Potter - sorry, Harry - would be happy to let you take turns on his old broom."

"But we want our OWN brooms" Al's voice was now rising to a scream. Oh no, thought Draco, oh no. Keep calm. Very calm. Edge slowly away. Towards the door. Just two more steps -

"Where are you _go-iiing_ Daddd-yyy? You _can't_ just _leave_ us here all by ourselves with NO brooms."

Here Al started to sniffle. Scorpius joined in. Draco was caught in a sniffle-prison, as he thought to himself (trying to cheer himself up). It didn't work.

"We _want_ brooms-"

"-to crash into each other and everything else with. Wait, actually to-"

Scorpius now put on his most pious expression,

"-to ensure our future wellbeing and respectability by improving our health through exercise and improving our future Quidditch skills."

Malfoy blinked. And again. And again. Where did his _six-year-old_ son even _get_ that from? (Must be Astoria's side, he thought to himself.)

"Daddy," said Scorpius as though reading his father's thoughts. "I mem-rised the advert on health and stuff. Thought it might come in useful."

"Hmmm," said Draco, and then " _Hmmm, hmm"_

"Mr _Malfooy_ ," Albus repeated (he had not lost his whining tone Malfoy noted sadly), "You sound a bit like Daddy impersonating whathisname- Dumbledore from Hogwarts."

"I, wh-what" Malfoy spluttered. True, he did not _dislike_ Dumbledore, not anymore. But that did _not_ mean that he was going to turn into him.

"Have a sherbert lemon" he, nevertheless felt compelled to say. In response to the boy's puzzled looks he shrugged. They then resumed their whining.

"Well,"

"-well, well, well-" Al replied seriously

"Er- what?"

"Didn't you _know_?" (Draco was reminded painfully of having said the same sentence to said child's father long, _long_ ago in their school years). "Didn't you _know_?" Al repeated.

Just to be spiteful, Draco was sure, his own _son_ (said son who had been whining at him for the full past hour true, but still his _son_ ), joined the chorus.

"Didn't you _know_? Didn't you _know_? Didn't you _know_?"

"NO", Draco finally said (well actually kind of shouted, not that he was going to admit that to himself though) while clutching his head in a mixture of despair and headache, "I DID NOT KNOW! HAPPY?"

"Well actually _no,_ " Scorpius replied, both he and his friend completely unfazed by Draco's outburst.

"What do you mean _no_? What do you want me to do? Ask you what you mean and then go and buy you both some kind of super-expensive racing brooms or something?"

"You mean you'll _do_ it? Like actually _do_ it? Like actually get the newest, most beautifullest, most amazingest brooms in the universe? (Oh, and the "well, well, well" is from a Muggle TV program we watched in the Granger's house.)" Al said in delight, either failing to or choosing to ignore the obvious sarcasm in Draco's voice (Draco strongly suspected the latter).

"Wait, you mean you _actually_ want me to? I. was. not. being. serious. You. can. use. old. brooms. I. am. not. buying. new. brooms. because. I. am _mean_." Draco replied sternly, blatantly ignoring Harry's warning not to tell the kids he was "mean". "You never know what it can bring back to you." Harry had told him with a shudder (probably to do with Teddy's week of crying in response to "Harry being mean" when Teddy was a toddler).

Both children took in deep breaths and then started crying again (they weren't trying to manipulate him, they were just genuinely upset). _Oh no_ , thought Draco, _help me, help me, help me._

Suddenly Draco felt a strange foreboding. Not a moment later had Al risen into the air, his hair looking oddly like broomstick bristles. "Me want broomstick. Me broomstick. Me want broomstick ..."

Thinking back later (when he _finally_ managed to get some peace and quiet) Draco was surprised accidental magic hadn't happened earlier. Two upset magical children - what a safe combination he thought to himself. And _mean_ Potter he told Astoria later, leaving him to look after both of _them_ (Astoria knew, as did everyone else Draco associated with, knew who _them_ referred to. They _were_ a dangerous duo she thought to herself, not without a hint of pride both with Scorpius and with her alliteration. "Well you can't really expect anything else can you?" she had replied kindly but Draco was _sure_ there had been an amused glint in her eyes as she had said it).

It wasn't long before Draco saw both of the kids transform themselves into walking (actually flying), talking broomsticks.

But the _Dangerous Duo_ was _just_ as whiny in broomform and without it so it wasn't long (within the privacy of his own mind, Draco congratulated himself for holding out so long overall) before they were apparating (actually Draco was apparating while holding on to the children) into Diagon Alley to Quality Quidditch Supplies ...


	2. In Quality Quidditch Supplies

The owner of Quality Quidditch Supplies was torn between pleasure and, well, displeasure at seeing a certain Draco Malfoy enter his shop. Displeasure because Malfoy had kept hold of his superior attitude, even though he had lost everything else, from the war years. Pleasure because could he _really_ be displeased with the man who had caused a certain Lucius Malfoy to spend a _lot_ of money on excellent _very_ expensive brooms - they hadn't needed to advertise for a _long_ time afterwards. Even if said man had then been an extremely _whiny_ child at the time. Speaking of which ...

"Broom now! Broom now! Broom _now_! Broom NOW! ..."

Draco winced. The owner of the shop felt very _very_ close to changing his mind about pleasure or displeasure at Malfoy (in favour of displeasure) - he had never been caused to jump so high in his life (from shock). That is, until he remembered the Malfoy fortune. Malfoy might or might not want to spend his money on the most expensive brooms in existence but ...

Then he turned around. For the second time that day, his professional demeanour was replaced by pure shock.

"Mr. _Malfoy_!" he said sternly, hands on hips (Draco was strongly reminded of Hermione Granger), "What kind of establishment do you take this for. We have absolutely _no_ interest in _buying brooms_ (sotto voce: we have more than enough to get rid of thank you). We are a _selling_ establishment. As I am _sure_ you know. Are you trying to _insult_ us?"

Quiet calm voice, thought Malfoy to himself remembering advice from a book (what else?) Granger had lent him - a book which just happened to deal with dealing with clinically insane people. Pacify him. Do not upset him. He is obviously under a lot of stress. I wonder what I should say first. Oh, I know ...

"Er," Draco said in his calmest quietest voice to the shop owner, "er hum?"

Oh dear, thought the shop owner. I've clearly just aggregated him. He _obviously_ wasn't trying to insult me (who would try and sell broomsticks with _faces_ anyway?). He is just mad. He's probably been under a lot of pressure lately. What did that TV program (wonderful, some Muggle contraptions, absolutely wonderful) say about calming people down? Hmm, think think. Ah, I've got it. A nice hot cup of Butterbeer. Yes, that's right.

So the shopkeeper put on his most ca-alming face (he looked like he had a severe headache) and invited Malfoy into the back of the shop.

On seeing the man's obviously pained face, Malfoy's apprehension had increased tenfold. Is there something wrong with my face, my tie, God-forbid, my _hairstyle_? What should I do? It took him a while to remember that the man had not had that face when they first came in so wasn't to do with his _appearances_ (skin-deep hadn't Astoria called him just two weeks ago? He had taken it as a compliment - after all who could deny that his skin was _very_ nice?). He had calmed down after that. I mean, even a pained madman can't be worse than a bad hairstyle? Can it?

For the shopkeeper's face had just increased in intensity of calming (bad headache) look. It was, after all, a very natural response to Draco's panicked face of only a few minutes ago (my hair, my tie, my face, what shall I do?). But it _was_ important to calm people down. _Especially_ if said people were from one of the richest families in England and in a _shop_. Taking this as motivation, the shopkeeper took a deep breath in. Then another one. And then another. In fact, he took so many that he looked like he was hyperventilating. Well, at least he _looked_ like he was hyperventilating. A bit. To Draco.

And Draco had become _noble_ in the time after the war (take that Gryffindors, he he). He wasn't going to let two kids (well one of them his kid but that was beside the point, he thought) to stay around in danger's way. No no. He must get them away from here. To safety. Especially so they don't cause me any trouble or make the situation worse he added to himself in his head (he he Draco - Slytherin to the core, Draco could swear the Gryffindors would have replied in response to _that_ thought). But it was, unfortunately too late. The brooms (aka. kids were nowhere to be seen). Draco cast a quick protection charm (wherever they were, the monsters) over them before returning to the "mad" shopkeeper.

The "mad" shopkeeper was now feeling very worried. "He pulled his _wand_ out on me. He did." he was thinking in a panicky tone. After all, what would follow? A snake charm? A _levicorpus_ charm? Worst of all, the very worst, _rictumsempra_? (He wouldn't, he tried and failed to reassure himself, he wouldn't be so cruel as to try and make me _laugh_. No way. Not even a former _Death Easter_ would be _that_ cruel). (If Draco could have heard these thoughts he might have been justified in his belief in the shopkeeper's madness. But the shop wasn't mad as such - he had a phobia. A terrible one. Of laughing)

Arming himself (unostentatiously) with his wand, he invited Draco to the back of the shop. Foolish? Maybe. Kind? Not meant to be. No, the shopkeeper was doing the only thing he had ever heard of doing when dealing with someone mad in inviting Draco to have a Butterbeer at the back (and, the shopkeeper hoped, to be calmed down by it sufficiently to let them all get away alive - actually why haven't I just stunned him if that's what I wanted to do? - oh, alright then I'll be honest thought the shopkeeper. I'm sure he's not dangerous (typical recklessness Hermione, who had once given the shopkeeper private tutoring lessons on lecturing other people (he thought the ability might improve his sales - you know, by really _annoying_ and _scaring_ people - it didn't work), would have told him, sternly, with hands on hips. But I'm more than capable of doing that myself now, he mentally thought. Not that you are, _are_ you, imaginary Hermione replied back).

And Draco was doing the only thing he knew in going along with it (humour him, humour him, calm face, quiet voice, SLOW walk, Draco reminded himself firmly before turning his attention back to the shopkeeper (whose internal dialogue had shown on his (the shopkeeper's not Draco's face) and further convinced Draco that the shopkeeper needed to be humoured ...). So both men made their way, very slowly, watching each other nervously, hands near wands, and VERY nervous, to the back of the shop ...


	3. Two naughtly children (plus grown-ups)

"Why is Daddy grimmacing like that," (broom)Scorpius asked (broom)Albus curiously.

Albus's (broom)face also had an expression of intense interest. "Dunno," he replied, "bet I could do it though".

If the shopkeeper had been shocked by Albus before, his shock would have been nothing to what it would have been if he could have seen him now. Fortunately he could not. Al had used magic to lengthen his (broom) nose, to make his bristles(hair) stand up, and to make his (broom)eyes so big they didn't even look like eyes any more (not that his (broom)eyes really did look like eyes in the first place). In short he looked terrible. And scary. And it wasn't long before Scorpius followed suit (those boys, do they EVER do anything separately Ginny had asked Draco a few weeks back. His answer - no). They then decided to join the window display. The sight was quite enough to traumatise a few children brousing the shop windows.

"That was _funny_." (broom)Al said (unconsciously echoing a young Luna Lovegood) in response to the children running away screaming (thoroughly bruised for life, some of them, by the sight).

"Let's chase them," (broom)Scorpius replied.

"Not yet," (broom)Albus's face had taken on a (very) thoughtful look.

"AHHHH" screamed young (broom)Scorpius, "Help! Spiders, spider bristles. Get off, get off, get off! Ohhh."

"Sorry," (broom)Albus replied with a shrug. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"As if hundweds and hundweds and hundweds of bristly things then spiders _crawling_ over me wouldn't scare me. Huh." (broom)Scorpius replied sternly. "Let's go and try it on the other children."

"Good idea." and, like two silent shadows, the two (broom)children slipped out of the shop window and into Diagon Alley.

* * *

Draco was really getting tired of the shopowner's behaviour, in between reminding himself that the shopowner was not well and thus could not be expected to behave normally. Little did he know, the shopowner was thinking exactly the same thing.

"Oh dear, what have I got myself into? All for the love of money, prestige and er something. All I want know is a quiet cup of tea. Not that this isn't quiet. Be careful. Don't let your irritation be shown. He could be angry. Also, annoying as it may be, his _is_ a Malfoy meaning he _is_ rich which _is_ I suppose a good thing for this shop." the shopowner's internal dialogue was going around in circles by this point.

Suddenly Draco froze. "Astoria is going to be cross when she hears about this. Where oh where are those kids. I hope they don't go to Knockturn Alley. Actually I wish we'd never come. And what about the Potter and Granger people. And the Weasleys. They are going to be steaming. Oh dear. Yawn" (Draco always yawned when he'd had enough).

"Oh good good," thought the shopowner, almost rubbing his hands with glee and relief, "he's sleepy. Wait a bit and you'll be able to have your tea. Maybe even apparate him away without him noticing. Now, a good sleep _does_ sound lovely. Oh dear. I'm feeling ve-ery tired myself. Yawn."

"I've always wondered why yawns were catching," Draco commented innocently

The shopowner started. Yawns, catching! Did that mean chasing? Did that mean Malfoy wanted to chase him? Did that mean he should make a quick runaway? (Draco had read more Muggle literature than the shopowner and wizards had never noticed that yawns were catching) Just as he was about to Apparate out ( _I value my being whole over my shop never mind what people may say thank you (them) very much,_ he thought grumpily), there was a crack. _Looks like someone had my thought_ , he added to himself, _no, wait, how could they? Oh never mind._ And in came ... Hermione.

* * *

Hermione had been worried when Ginny rang through the floo and told her how long they had been. _Better check. After all - Draco, Albus, Scorpius - bad combination. Plus Diagon Alley - very bad combination._ As for knowing where they were, she had used her extraodinary powers of telepathy (long developed in a Paris university and totally different from Legilimency) to find out.

At first, she had planned on doing the _you naughtly children, what was this about_ attitude to Draco, the kids, and whoever else she found with them. But on seeing the expressions on Draco's and the shopowner's (long time since I saw him, she thought nostalgically) expressions, and not being fully aware they were terrified of each other rather than her (telepathy doesn't extend _that_ far you know, she told Ron later), she decided to put on her most humouring expression instead.

"Sooo, little chil- I mean people, how was your day? Were you OK? No problems I take it? After all you look quite happy ( _quit it_ Hermione she told herself sternly _they don't look happy_ ). It's lo-overly to see you again. ...

With a terrified look both Draco and the shopowner ran and took to the hills, (I mean alleys of Diagon alley) ...


	4. Hermione and Astoria arrive

Al and Scorpius had gone back to the shop. As soon as they came in they saw a puzzled ...

"AUNTY HERMIONE/"

"MRS GRANGER-WEASLEY"

came the half-joyful, half-nervous yells of the boys.

"Hell-ooo, chiiildren. Loovely day -"

"Er. Aunty? Why oo talking like dat?"

"Already done that routine haven't I? Sorry, thought you were your dad -"

The kids now looked very puzzled.

"Oh, never mind. Where did you come from?"

"Outside, Mrs. Gwanger." (Scorpius found the whole name too much of a mouthful by now).

"And why weren't you with Mr. Malfoy?" (her tone now indicated a good deal of lecturing to a certain Draco later on)

"Well, oo see, Aunty Hermione, he 'ad to calm down Mr shopkeeper. Or least I think so. He got scared-ish and got us to go out."

"The shopkeeper, did you say? He's always been alright before now."

All three gave a startled jump as a loud crack reverberated through the shop.

"Draco, where are you? Oh - hello Hermione." this was Astoria, Draco's wife and Scorpius' mother.

"Mummy, hello."

"Why, hello darling. I didn't see you there. And you too little Albus. Come here, all of you, it's ages since I saw you, both of you." (Astoria had certain ideas about time. If she didn't see Scorpius for a few hours it felt like a long time. Draco was the same, interestingly).

"Astoria, it's lovely to see you. Are you looking for Draco?"

"Yes. I've been worried. Draco plus Scorpius plus Al plus long time -"

"equals worrying. I agree. Well he was here with the shopkeeper a moment ago. They dashed off like they had a dragon after them."

At this, Scorpius gave a quiet giggle.

"What is it, dear?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Dwagon after dwagon. Draco dragon."

"My clever son," Astoria replied fondly, "and you too, Al"

"Whatave I done?" Al asked cautiously

"Just been a lovely boy. Like Scorpius. We're all lovely. Very lovely. Very very lovely. Very very -"

"I think he gets the point Hermione," Astoria interrupted, trying to hide an amused smile. Scorpius meanwhile looked surprised but brushed it off and turned back to Al."

"-Brushes." Al burst out suddenly

"Brushes Al? What brushes?" this was Astoria

"He means bwistles. We've been bwistly. Broomsticks. Was fun."

"When were you broomsticks Scorpius?" Hermione asked.

"Just now. But," for the umpteenth time that day, Scorpius' expression was puzzled. "no more. Gone."

"Probably wore off with time. Accidental magic, Hermione?"

"Almost certainly. Or at least, I hope so."

"We'd better go look for them. Do you think we should take the children home?" Astoria asked uncertainly.

"No," Hermione replied firmly, "they might be able to help us find the adults. Honestly, adults needing children to find them."

"Well up to a point, I suppose. But-" Astoria replied with a smile "- I imagine they may have contributed to their running away."

"Good point. Al, Scorp, did Mr Malfoy like you being broomsticks?"

A blissful smile found its way onto Albus's face. "No. So no. Not 'tal. Would have run 'way. Was funny."

"Funny." Scorpius repeated happily.

"Boys," Hermione replied perhaps more sharply than she had intended. "Boys, this might feel funny to you, but do you think Mr. Malfoy found it funny?"

"No-oo. I s'pose not." Al replied bashfully. Scorpius looked thoughtful then nodded guiltily.

"Sorry Mr Malfoy-"

"-Dad-" the boys chorused.

"No chorusing boys please," Hermione said with a sigh. "This is not _Rainbow Magic_."

"Rainbow magic? Is that a form of linguistic magic, Hermione?"

"In a sense, Astoria. They are muggle novels about fairies. Harry's children were very fond of them at one time. Apart from Al that is."

"Oh no. I do know them Aunty. They OK. But boring."

"Hm. Yes. Well in _Rainbow Magic_ there is a lot of chorusing. Unfortunately. Anyway, back to the fugatives."

"Right. Which way did they go?"

"That way." Hermione replied, pointing in the direction Draco and the shopkeeper had gone.

"Let's go after them then. Kids? Hermione? Come on." said Astoria, taking charge.


	5. The patronus

Meanwhile, Draco and the shopkeeper had only just stopped running. Exhausted, they collapsed onto the nearest wall and sighed. A lot.

"This was not meant to happen," Draco said sadly.

"Which part of it?" the shopkeeper, in a moment of rash forgetfulness (he thought) asked resentfully. "The bit where you brought those odd brooms in? Or the bit where you went crazy? Or the bit where Hermione came in and scared us?"

Listening to this, Draco felt surprised. He had not realised the shopkeeper thought _he_ was mad. Actually, that explained a lot.

"Well, Mr -"

"Call me Jacob."

"Jacob. And you can call me Draco. The brooms weren't brooms, I thought you were the one getting confused, and ... how do you know Hermione?"

"Well, Draco. What were the brooms, how was I getting confused, and the whole world, er our world, knows Hermione Granger."

"Well, Jacob. The brooms are children, of course you were getting confused, and how did you know Granger personally?

"Well, Draco. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE BROOMS ARE CHILDREN? I was confused because I wanted to pacify you. And Hermione gave me lessons on ... never mind."

"Well Jacob. My son and his friend turned into brooms. I was acting like I needed pacifying probably because I was trying to pacify you. And, come on, what did Hermione give you lessons in?"

"Well, Draco. That is highly irregular (should not accidental magic be regulated by Magical Law Enforcement -"

He was interrupted by a loud pop.

"Astoria, put up anti-apparition wards. Draco (she gave him a stern look), look after the children. And Jacob dear are you feeling alright? You look a little peaky." Hermione had started off at a respectable pace and finished so fast, even she herself could hardly keep up with what she was speaking.

The anti-apparition wards up, a couple of expelliarmi later, and everyone seated at a conjured table, eating a picnic Hermione had brought in her famous handbag (just in case), Draco asked the obvious question.

"How did you know where we were?"

"Didn't you hear," she replied innocently. "I've put a taboo, only a good one, on the words "Magical Law Enforcement". Kingsley was a little reluctant at first but once I had made my case, he agreed. After all, think of the number of people needing magical law enforcement help but too ashamed that they need it to ask for it."

"So you just go and force it down their throats then, Hermione?" Draco asked testily.

Astoria snorted. Jacob glared (the laughing phobia, what if she sets me off). The boys looked puzzled. And Hermione's eyes shone with the passion of her technique as she refuted his criticism.

"No, I offer it down their throats. No, no, I mean to them. And they like it very much. I mean a bit. Oh, never mind. The point is, they need the help and I give it."

"Hermione, don't you end up going to a lot of families who say it without needed help, like if they are discussing politics?" Jacob asked curiously.

"Well yes, Jacob. It gets tiring. But they always offer me something to eat and I give them some of my house elf leaflets." she replied brightly.

While the others had been talking, Scorpius and Albus had been having a foot touching competition. But Scorpius got distracted and kicked Albus harder than expected. This led to a highly predictable (Jacob thought, thinking over it later) response from Al. "OW!"

Everyone turned around suddenly and looked in their direction. As usual, Hermione was the one to voice the question in the air.

"What did you, Scorpius Magorius Aquilus Bootes Lyrus Aurigus Equuleus Leus Minus Triangulus Malfoy, do to Albus Severus Potter, to cause his expression of displeasue through sound waves just a moment ago?" she asked Scorpius sternly, not a flicker of a smile on her face.

During Hermione's speech, Scorpius, Albus and Astoria had all been slowing, silently slipping down the table from embarassment. Mr Malfoy, Hermione was amused to note, looked forward proudly and attempted to look unremorseful (a little unsuccessfully).

Once the three had regained their former positions, a babbel of voices, noises, and general choas broke out.

 _"Aunt Hermione, why my full name? Why the Sewerus bit. I didn't do anything wrong."_ this was Al.

 _"My full name. Mrs Gwanger, why?"_ this question, containing any appropriate amount of annoyance, came from Scorp, as Narcissa Malfoy insisted on calling him.

 _"My poor poor boy, how could I let you have such a name, constillations, seriously. I should have put my foot down, I should have -"_

 _"No, Astoria. It is all my fault. I should never have given you all those names, Scorpius. I am sorry. Your mother protested but I would not be swayed."_ this was Draco

Scorpius looked puzzled. True, he didn't like it. But he didn't not like it that much. Should he say something? No, they'd give him an ice cream if he didn't.

And finally, came Jacob's contribution.

" _How_ did you remember his full name, Hermione? Assuming you remembered it correctly."

Hermione looked offended. "Of course I remembered it correctly-" Draco nodded sadly "-and I stored it in my memory. Thought it might be useful. You know, for documentation or something." she finished a little too hastily.

Albus was feeling left out. He decided to pick up on his previous sentence from ages ago.

 _"WHY DID THEY NAME ME SEWERUS? **SEWERUS?**_ _AND THE ALBUS BIT? WHY NOT NICE NAME? LIKE, LIKE ... JACOB?"_

Both the shopkeeper (I agree Jacob is a lovely name) and Hermione (more mysteriously) beamed.

"Do you not like your name, honey sweet?" she asked Albus happily. Albus, though taken aback by her honey sweet happy voice, replied solemnly. "NO I DON'T"

"YEEEEEES," she screamed in joy. Everyone looked at her in alarm but she was oblivious. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

* * *

In the Potter residence, Harry and Ginny were at home having a lovely romantic childfree afternoon tea. That is, they were having one. Before a silvery otter came bursting in.

 _Harry James Potter, Ginevra Molly Weasley, I am coming for you. Make your way to your house. I have won. Your son likes not his name. YEEEEEEES_

If it had been anyone else's patronus, Harry and Ginny could not have found the tone so funny. But, from _Hermione._ This was something. Until they registered the end of the message.

"Did she, did she, say she won?"

"Yep, definitely. Oh, oh, oh."

"Shall we run?"

"She'll find us. She always finds us."

"Yes, so I do." came Hermione's triumphant voice. "Come on then."


End file.
